That face. She's priceless.

We knew I would eventually have to work as a nurse once she came, and we heard countless horror stories about how hard it would be for me to leave her. So it became my fervent plea that Heavenly Father would send me peace of mind in knowing I was to work, that Ella and Austin would be taken care of, and that I was working where He needed me to serve. He kindly did just that. I thank Him reverently.

Soon after Ella Larue was born, the Lord told me, by way of priesthood blessing, that I ought not to worry about work until the time was right. He wanted me to focus on our precious baby and to give myself fully to her and to Austin. With sweet mercy, Jesus assured me that He would reveal the right moment for me to start looking for work. I thank Him for those uninterrupted months with our heaven-sent angel. They were sacred and divinely sweet.

Three months past and one beautiful Sunday morning, I knelt to talk with Father in Heaven in prayer and fasting. As I prayed, I felt the voice of the Lord impress upon my soul the need to include my quest for a job. Oh how desperately I needed His help in this. How difficult it would be to leave little Ella Larue, how taxing of my strength needed to serve her and Austin. I pled for His divine revelation - hoping He would confirm to my heart which job He would have me take that I might move forward with confidence and peaceful assurance.


When Austin and I sat down to read our scriptures that morning, I felt guided to open my missionary scriptures to Helaman 6. I was amazed (though surely not surprised) when the verses came to life - lighting up my soul with revelation from God.

"And behold, there was peace in [Julia's heart], insomuch that [Julia] did [work] in whatsoever part of the [women and children's units she was needed] whether among the [infants, the children] or the [mothers]" (Helaman 6:6-7).

Heavenly Father, in His goodness, revealed not only His will for me to work, but the very position He desired me to have. The next day, I applied to many different nursing units, including the very Women and Children's Float position He had told me about. Only a few hours after applying, I received a phone call from the manager of this position asking when I could come in for an interview. I could not help but praise our Father and Savior with awe and gratitude. They are so good.

I went to the interview a few days later and was offered the job after only a few shorts minutes. I was amazed. Christ's intricate involvement and intimate investment in our little family was so evident. How kind, how generous, how good. 

A month or so later, work commenced. As a Women and Children's float nurse, I have the privilege of caring for sick newborns and sick kids, as well as mothers and babies immediately after delivery. I love it. I marvel at how perfectly placed I am in this field of medicine. Ella Larue's weeks of hospitalization were surely preparatory for this, for she was admitted to not one, but all three of these units. God's wisdom is far beyond our own.

Despite how difficult it is to leave little Ella Larue, I have been strengthened and assured it is right to do so. Gratitude has vanquished all heartache. These sweet revelations, among several others, have swept away all fear. Only faith remains. 

Austin, my sweet and faithful husband, has lovingly cared for our precious daughter while I am away (Father in Heaven having micromanaged his school schedule to allow such). Father has also empowered both Ella and Austin to master the art of bottle feeding (of which was not an easy task - an entire blog post+ worth of revelation and miracles). My energy has been increased, allowing me sufficient strength to care not only for my precious loved ones, but also the sick and suffering children and families entrusted in my care. Pumping breaks have become a sacred and strengthening time wherein I laugh and play with my beloved husband and daughter via FaceTime. (Oh the miracle and blessings of technology!) And the 12 hour shifts have proven to be a blessing - for I am home four days of the seven. 

We are happy, grateful, and ever so humbled by the grace and mercy of the Lord. We love Him. We trust Him. And we will forever walk with Him. He lives.

Ella Larue's start to mortality

Our beloved Ella Larue,

You must have been so excited to come to earth. Your precious smile tells us so. Despite all that you've been through, your face would light up with your little smile.

You so dearly wanted to become like our Heavenly Parents - to be as strong, beautiful, and happy as They. Their joy is full. To become like Heavenly Mother was your dream.

Heavenly Father's plan made your dream possible - all through the grace and merits of His Only Begotten, Jesus Christ. But to know great joy like Them, you would also need to know great sorrow. Mortality was the perfect setting for each of us to learn and experience such. Pain, suffering, and sorrow would be felt to make better our pleasure, love, and joy.

You left our heavenly home and started mortality without reservation. Like so many others, your little body quickly came to know sickness. A few hours after you were born, daddy retrieved you from your adoring uncle and aunt. Immediately, the Holy Ghost helped him discern your darkening color. You were turning a deep shade of purple and blue. 

We stimulated you to cry and quickly called the nurse. She whisked you away and discovered your oxygen sats to be in the low 20s (an alarming number). Oxygen was administered via bag and mask and CPAP no sooner became your lungs' support.

God sent Doctor Anderson to be your angel. When Anderson first came to see you, he noticed that your body was limp and frail. Your arms lay lifeless at your side. Thanks to the training and experience Father had so mercifully given him, Anderson

straightway suspected infection. A blood culture was drawn and antibiotics were started immediately. He told us that these signs of "lifelessness" were common symptoms seen shortly before death in infants. We needed to act quickly.

The next day we were told that your little body was infected with Group B Strep - a bacteria commonly found on adults. Though harmless to a grown adult, it can be devastating to newborns. As protocol demands, I had been tested for this bacteria ten days previous. I tested negative. What would have been two doses of antibiotics for me became three weeks of antibiotics and procedures for you.
Why would Father allow this to happen, you ask? Because He loves you and He loves us - your novice parents. Because of your sickness, you started life relying completely on the Savior. Angels attended you, His grace empowered you, miracles occurred within and around you. Not only were your parents and grandparents praying for you, but so many others. We were awestruck to hear of the friends and ward families from home, California, and even our mission in Washington DC who exercised their faith in Jesus Christ in your behalf.

With the help of our kind Savior, Jesus Christ, we were able to make many big decisions in your behalf - i.e. spinal taps, MRIs, transporting hospitals, and many more. Surely, He was intricately involved and intimately invested.

You are precious Ella Larue. I marvel at how beloved and treasured you are by the King of Heaven and Earth, our Father Above. Though it was heartbreaking and painful for your little body to endure, I am grateful Father saw it fit for you to come to this earth with Group B Strep. Like the man born with his world darkened by blindness, it was not because of your sin or the sin of your parents, but it was God's will for "the works of God to be made manifest in [you]" (John 9:3).


As said by the man Paul, who endured great trial and affliction:
"And [the Lord] said unto me: my grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong."

We love you, Ella Larue.

Love,

Momma Julia and Papa Austin

Grandest expectations exceeded

God is generous. Indeed, His blessings "exceed or grandest expectations" (President Uchtdorf). 

It was while living in California this past summer that I have come to feel, see, and comprehend a little more clearly Heavenly Father's utmost desire to bless each one of His children. Surely, He has surrounded Austin and I by many of His good and Christlike children who give as richly as they receive. I am humbled, reverenced, and so deeply grateful. We would not have been able to provide as abundantly for our little girl without their help.

When Father in Heaven told Austin and I to move to California, we excitedly anticipated His blessings to roll forth. But it seems that my anticipation always falls short of Father's blessings. His love and generosity exceeds my grandest expectations. 

Mary, my sweet sister in law, graciously welcomed me into her home for the summer while Austin had his internship with his uncle Dan. Though I was supposively there to "help" Mary with her seven children (two of which were newborn twins), she really was helping me - teaching me how to be a good and Spirit-led mother. 

While driving back from our first beach trip for the girls' summer, Mary told me of her and Jeffrey's intention to pay me for my help. This would be in addition to the baby clothes, toys, and equipment, as well as the whole summer's worth of food she has provided me without question or hesitation. 

In times past, I had expressed my reluctance in accepting money, assuring her repeatedly that she is blessing me far more than I could ever repay her. Not only has she been blessing us temporally, but spiritually also - beyond description. If anyone should be offering a monetary gift, it should be me, for her Christlike service, generosity, example, patience, and wisdom are Heaven-sent and I cannot thank her or God enough.

Mary just smiled as I tried to explain this to her yet another time. She went on to tell me her plan (as she had discussed with Jeffrey the night previous). She would pray to Father about what they should give Austin and I, thus vanquishing any refusal on my behalf - for it would be a command from the Lord haha. Oh how I adore her. I am reverenced at how Godlike she is. Her generosity has taught me so much of the Savior. I can truly see Him, my Lord, my Redeemer, in her countenance.

Not only did she give so generously to me, but she gives to all those she comes in contact with. She is continually welcoming people into her home to eat with their family and to be loved by them - whether it be family, friends, or even fresh acquaintances. She was not only feeding her family of nine, but she offered nourishment (emotional, spiritual, and physical) to so many others. The command to "love one another" and to "impart of your substance" was embedded deeply within her. Because Christ had given so generously to her, she did the same to others with a heart full of gratitude and love. Her character has become so refined by the Lord that it comes naturally, easily, and with a pure love so great, I cannot help but be amazed. 

I love Mary. And I love the Lord. I know it was in His kindness and love that He sent me to her home for those three precious months. 

Mary and Jeffrey were not the only ones to shower blessings upon us in behalf of the Lord, but as did our uncle Dan, ward members from California, and my beloved hometown friends also gave generously.

Above all, our sweet parents - both Austin's and mine - have been so graciously supporting us along the way. Just like our Heavenly Father, they have been beside us - supplying that which we can not do for ourselves. They have even motivated, helped, and strengthened us in our efforts to provide for ourselves - never leaving us alone or comfortless. Momma Jody and papa Juan, Susan and Jeff. Tongue cannot express, nor hand write, the great love and gratitude we feel for our parents.

We are reverenced. And so very grateful. Thanks be to God! Father in Heaven was well aware that Austin and I were not financially equipped to provide for a newborn babe. But the Lord provides a way for us to do that which He commands. I thank Him will all the fervor of my soul.

"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

Disneyland is our reality

It was in great mercy and love that Father in Heaven provided a way for Austin and me to come to California for the summer. Though we were tempted to stay in Provo by long-awaited nursing job offers and future maternity leave income, the voice of the Lord kindly commanded us to turn down these offers and follow Him. 

Rather than learning and practicing how to be a nurse, Father wanted me to learn and practice how to be a mother in preparation for our own little girl come September. To my brother and sister in law (Jeffrey and Mary's) home I would go each day, and therein learn from their consecrated and devoted examples in raising their precious seven children with Divine and Heavenly help.

For my sweet Austin, Father arranged an opportunity of a lifetime working as an intern for his uncle Dan - who is a retirement financial planner. And as for room and board, our beloved family friends - the Wells - welcomed us in their home by the divine design of God Himself. We could not be more amazed and awestruck over His intricate micromanagement. In deepest humility, we thank and praise Him endlessly.

And so to California we went. And in California we have lived for the last two and a half months. I am continually amazed, though no longer suprised, at how bounteous His blessings are. As promised, I have been taught by on High in learning and practicing motherhood with the angelic Mary as my guide. I am reverenced and humbled by such a sacred experience. 

Pregnant: My Journey to Fertility

It is official. I AM PREGNANT! In God's sweet mercy, Austin and I are going to have a baby in September. Thanks be to God!

Without Christ, I would be barren forever. My heart is filled with reverence at the thought of His healing and forgiving hand. I've struggled with what and what not to include in this post. It is most sacred to me, this my journey to fertility. I plead for sensitivity to the Spirit to know what to share in hopes of inspiring and encouraging others to faith in our Savior. If but one soul needs these words, I pray that Father lead him/her to find them. For indeed, they are exposing, but empowering. It is God that I glorify. To Him, I am eternally indebted.

A few years before my mission, I started training vigorously for triathlons. Along with my excessive exercise regimen, I also started to view food in an unhealthy and destructive way. Satan worked hard on me, causing me to fear food and gaining weight. I controlled my diet out of fear and hatred for the precious body God had given me. Love and gratitude grew far from my heart.

With time, I started to suffer the consequences for my poor choices. My period started to occur less often, until finally it stopped completely. Months passed. And soon enough, it had been well over a year by the time I left for my mission. My doctor's diagnosis: INFERTILE.

With Jacob, I proclaim: "O the greatness and the justice of God!" (2 Nephi 9:17). Had I not received such a heart breaking consequence for my sins, I would not have turned to Him in a humble effort to repent. I would have persisted in the painful and poisonous ways of Satan.

Just weeks before leaving for Washington DC, Father in Heaven inspired and strengthened my sweet parents to have me meet with their good friend and therapist. She shared something with me that changed me and worked within my soul throughout the entire course of my mission: 

THOUGHTS -> FEELINGS -> ACTION

We choose our thoughts. Our thoughts produce feelings. Our feelings, then, move us to action.

Because of God's goodness and grace, we have the ability to discern good and evil. Such was Moroni's proclamation:

"For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God."

"But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil" (Moroni 7:16-17).

The therapist, by mercy of the Lord, taught me that I could discern whether a thought was from God or from Satan by the feelings it brought. If a thought brought feelings of peace and joy, gratitude and love, it was from Heavenly Father and Christ. If feelings of fear and depression, hatred and anger cankered my soul, I could know that such was from the devil, the father of lies. Thus - I could cast these venomous thoughts at the feet of the Savior and be spring-boarded back in to His presence.

Throughout my mission I studied and "search[ed] diligently in the light of Christ" (Moroni 7:19) - learning and applying this council in every aspect of my life. I was taught from on High and changed through His grace. I grew to become "confident in the presence of God" because "virtue garnished my thoughts unceasingly" (D&C 121:45).

But as God healed my mind, my period still did not return. During the October 2013 General Conference session, Elder Timothy J. Dyches gave a beautiful sermon wherein the Lord spoke to my soul. He spoke of the 10 lepers who were told to "Go shew themselves unto the priest. And it came to pass, as they went, they were healed" (Luke 17:11-19). "Jesus Christ heals body, mind, and spirit, and His healing begins with faith." I heard Father instill similar, yet intimately personal counsel to my heart through the whisperings of the Spirit: "As you begin eating bread (a food that I had long since avoided completely), you will be healed physically, mentally, and spiritually." So with the already increased grains and oats I was eating - bread, I did partake.

Infertility was now pressing on to two and a half years. I felt the voice of the Lord urge me to ask my sweet mission president, President Riggs, for a priesthood blessing of healing. 

His words were powerful and from God Himself. The Spirit encompassed us with a profound intensity I can hardly describe. My soul was elevated as Jesus told me my health would be restored and, in time, I would bear children.

A few weeks later, I asked God why my period had not yet started. I believed with all the strength my soul possessed and I obediently followed all that He had commanded. In kindness and loving wisdom, I felt Him promise, "Be patient my daughter. I want to be sure you will continue to live healthy upon returning home from your mission before I heal you of this infertility." Gratitude and hope welled within me. O how I love our gracious Father and Lord!

Eventually, my sacred mission came to a close. I returned home to Las Vegas and embraced my precious family once again. As Christ strengthened me to continue in faithful stewardship of the body I loved, my fertility was restored!! I fell to my knees in gratitude, praising Him for such a gift.

His blessings did not cease. I started to fall in love with Austin, deeply humbled and amazed to be in his arms. God's hand was ever guiding and upholding us.

A few months before our sacred sealing, I felt God tell me of my potential to become a mother in the month of May. Oh what faith and excitement filled my soul.

But sadly, to my deepest sorrow, I started to fall back into the satanic paradigm of body and food. My habits became fearful and controlling. Such denied me the honor of having a precious baby as soon as Father had suggested. 

He carried these words to my heart with loving chastisement: 

"It is because that you did not continue as you commenced, when you began.. that I have taken away this privilege from you" (D&C 9:5).

With the help of the Savior, I repented and returned again to His presence. Ever so patiently and sweetly - He forgave me and helped restore my vision. In all humility, I thank Him. I am lost without Christ.

A few months later - to my surprise - I missed my period. Excitedly Austin and I got a pregnancy test and discovered that I am indeed pregnant! (To double check, my family and I bought a handful of dollar store tests.) We were positively positive I was pregnant. A miracle! A privilege for which I of myself do not deserve. 

When I think of those who have struggled with infertility far longer than I have, I am filled with reverence and compassion. My experience hardly compares with the pain and sorrow these sweet women endure. I hardly understand. But I am filled with hope and faith to know that Jesus understands perfectly, that His love for them is infinite. I do not know why those that desperately desire children can not have them, but Christ is ever with them. Every step of the painful yet beautiful journey to fertility. No matter how long it will take - this too shall end. Whether in this life or the next, they have the promise of eternal posterity if they but follow Him. Oh how beautiful is His gospel. I love our beloved Fathher and Savior. 

The love story

Dating and marriage are acts of faith. And I so testify that Heavenly Father is eager to help us as we write and live our love stories. Indeed He is intricately involved and intimately invested.

I am ecstatic that the Spirit has nudged me to write Austin's and my love story - for it brings me great joy to praise Heavenly Father for His micromanaging hand. My life with Austin is the most precious gift God has given me. It is through His Son's infinite sacrifice that I have the privilege of belonging to Austin for eternity. Our love story will never stop! It only gets better, for Christ surely is the "high priest of good things to come" (Hebrews 9:11). I love and thank God endlessly.

So, this is how Austin and I began:

Winter 2012 - My Grandpa Jeppsen was sick. He and grandma lived in St George - so, with Heaven's inspiration and direction, our family hired a home health company (Care To Stay Home) to take care of them. On my way home from BYU to Vegas, I would stop in St George to collaborate with the caretakers in ensuring the best care for my beloved grandparents. 

Austin's mom - Susan Frazier - is the owner of the home health care company we hired and I remember sitting with her and my papa discussing grandma and grandpa's care. I had just received my mission call - and, being the excited pre-missionary that I was, I told her where the Lord had called me: the Washington DC South Mission.

No sooner did she cry out in excitement: "My son is there!" Austin had been serving in the same mission for a few months and, like every good mother, she went on and on about how wonderful and good her son was. I smiled at her excitement, promised to take a picture with him, then didn't think much of it again.

A few months later, I left my beloved family with tear filled eyes and a faith filled heart and entered the MTC. After three weeks, I flew to DC. 

Momma Susan had emailed Austin, informing him to look out for me. Because I was her client's granddaughter - she bid him to say hello. It was by heaven's design that we met. Because of the vast number of missionaries - I may have never met him. But being the obedient son that he is, Austin approached me at the close of my first transfer meeting to say hello.

It was my first day in the mission field - the first day of 18 months of consecrated service to our Savior Jesus Christ. (Mind you, no dating or flirting is permitted for a wise purpose during this time). It seemed to be a whirlwind of information and missionaries. My spunky little trainer, Sister Rozsa, was running about in the craziness of the moment. Already eternally grateful to be her companion, I stayed close beside her.

In the midst of the chaos, Austin walked up to me and introduced himself. In that moment - time seemed to stand still. The voice of the Lord pierced my soul with a power so profound, I can hardly describe it. Peace infused every fiber of my being as His words etched into my soul: "This is the man you will marry." I will forever be indebted to the Lord for such an intimate and infinite experience. 

I was reverenced in awe and amazement. Taken aback by the Lord's powerful words, my mind hardly knew what to think. But alas, time started to press on again and the first thought that came to my mind was this: "Well, I suppose I should take a picture!" (And if you know my mom, such a thought would be expected from those she so lovingly raised haha.)

A picture was taken, then I was rushed forward by Sister Rosza - again immersed in the excitement and miracles of missionary work.

Ever so graciously, Jesus helped veil this profound revelation throughout my mission. It proved never to be distracting, for which I marvel with gratitude. Since we both served in leadership, I would see Austin periodically - but I was strict to avoid talking to him beyond the typical Elder-Sister greetings. Though I hardly got to know Austin, I came to know the Lord. Jesus became my companion and friend. I will give everything for Him, I will do anything in His behalf, and I will be all that He asks of me. I trust Him and our Father in Heaven. 

I will forever cherish my mission. It was by Their grace and mercy I came to see Their hand moving through me and the lives of my beloved brothers and sisters. 

But alas, it was the great and dreadful end. November 2014. Both Austin and I were at the close of our missions. I came out exactly at his 6 month mark, making it so we would return home at the same time. Indeed, God has impeccable timing. 

I went home to Vegas, and Austin to St George. During this time, I was tempted to forget the divine revelation that had purged my soul 18 months prior. Patterns of the past made it easy to forget. But Father bid me to remember - for He had not only my happiness in mind, but the happiness of each of His children.

I felt the Holy Ghost encourage me to listen to "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" by Elder Holland daily. Satan was seeking to destroy my confidence in the light I had received from God. I felt perhaps a portion of what Moses felt, who, after having had a miraculous and astounding experience with Heavenly Father, came down the mountain to find the adversary awaiting his return. Satan sought to counter all that Moses had seen and become. But Moses pressed on. Calling upon the Lord, He received strength to rise up and become a mighty leader and instrument in the hands of God. He held on in confidence to what the Lord had revealed to him.

The Holy Ghost paralleled my experience to that of Moses. Leaving behind that which was familiar and comfortable was taxing. But as I relied desperately on the Savior's outstretched hand, I withstood the adversary's attack. I was comforted and strengthened. In reverence and awe, I thank God for His omniscient wisdom that blessed me immensely.

Meanwhile, Austin and his parents came to Vegas for a friend's mission farewell a few weeks later. Indeed it was by divine design. My parents, never doubting the sacred and profound experience I had had with Heavenly Father, encouraged me to invite the Fraziers for breakfast.

Austin had never had a serious girlfriend. So his awkwardness in dating, my awkwardness in thinking "I don't know you and I might marry you," combined with that of our awkward 18 month long missionary-esque interactions - we proved to be pretty awkward to say the least. Hahaha. But oh how grateful I now am for it! It revealed to me his purity and enabled me to love him without blemish. 

The awkwardness pressed on. I took a step of faith and basically invited me and my mom to spend the night at the Frazier's house one weekend. My mom's lame excuse: to see Tuachan's live nativity. Hahaha. Though we were pretty awkward, our parents driving most of the conversations, God was ever with us. Austin later asked if he could come to Vegas to deliver a Christmas present. My family, aware of our hopeful potential, decided to invest in Austin. We got him a $100 rock climbing device while Austin sweetly traveled the 145 miles to deliver a scarf :)

Our time home after the mission drew to an end. It was time to return to nursing school. I went to BYU and Austin went to UVU. 

We would see each other occasionally - going on a date once or twice a week. Things were progressing slowly. Thanks to God, I was beginning to feel more comfortable around him, our awkwardness subsiding.

I would talk with Heavenly Father often about Austin - and He would gently and kindly respond. I was growing unsure about how slowly things were moving. One day - while in the temple - God assured me that line upon line, little by little things would bloom and develop in a way that surpassed my imagination. "Be patient my daughter."

Then, by God's goodness and micromanaging hand, Austin's family offered me a job with Care to Stay Home. It was perfect - surely a gift from Father. I was assigned to take care of a darling couple who lived only a few blocks from Austin's apartment. Not only did they become some of my most dear and beloved friends, I started to see Austin every day after work. 

It was in this time I started to fall in love with my precious Austin. I was constantly amazed at his goodness and Christlike demeanor. His devotion to God is humbling, his commitment to obedience is inspiring, his love and forgiveness is freeing, and his eagerness to improve and be better is synergistic. Being in Austin's presence causes me to draw even closer to Christ and to strive to be more like Him. I will forever thank Father for the privilege of having Austin as my eternal companion and friend. 

Our sealing was divine. The image of my sweet husband kneeling over the altar of the temple, and the profound feelings that accompanied it, is forever etched upon my soul.

 

   

You are beautiful through Christ

It was a busy day in the hospital. A pounding headache made it difficult to allow my mind to rest as I swiftly went to patient to patient  But, in Father's sweetest mercy, I had a moment to sit down for a few minutes in the break room. By His divine design, a program started on television. The newscast asked several different men and women this one, simple question: 

"If you could change one thing about your body, what would you change?"

(Click HERE if you would like to watch the video - It's really good!) 

The adults quickly responded with things they did not like about their bodies, expressing their dissatisfaction and personal anguish.

Then, the newscast asked the same question to sweet little boys and girls. The difference was humbling.

These innocent children thought and thought, faces scrunched, chins scratched. After pondering a while - they excitedly wished for mermaid tails, glow-in-the-dark eyes, and flying powers. One girl even proclaimed with a smile: "I like my body, actually!" How stark a comparison! No wonder the Savior asks us to "become as little children" (Mosiah 3:18). 

We have been blessed with beautiful bodies - with which we can progress to the eternities. We ought not let satan override our perception with ingratitude. Let us "rejoice and lift up our heads forever, because of the blessings which the Lord God" has given us - "for in our bodies we shall see god" (2 Nephi 9:3-4).

I've struggled, and still struggle, with loving my body - as many men and women do. I have been overcome with satan's self-defeating cloud of darkness - obscuring my vision of who I am and how divine a role my body plays in Father's plan. 

But I thank God for allowing His light to break through. He helps me see clearly if I look to Him. 

Pornography not only plagues the minds of men with lust and addiction, but it corrupts the vision of women, causing them to compare themselves and fear they are not beautiful nor adequate. 

We must let Jesus cleanse our vision and change our perspective. It's not enough to free our minds from such satanic and evil thoughts, but we must fill them with good and truth from Father, with His light and His love. 

One beautiful summer afternoon, I went to the temple. Upon entering the house of the Lord, my mind was caught up in thought. I had been battling the adversary in the way I view my body. I remember thinking that I had not received a compliment of being beautiful for quite some time. It was not a compliment of looks that I desired, but a compliment of who I am through Christ's atonement. To me, compliments of "you ARE beautiful" resonate much more deeply than that of "you LOOK beautiful."

I have found that Satan has tried to cause me to dwell on the imperfections of my body. The Spirit has helped me see that the adversary has lulled me into the habit of finding physical fault every time I look in the mirror. He has taught me that the adversary desires that I  live contrary to Elder Nelson's counsel, when he said, "Each time you look in the mirror, see your body as your temple." (Decisions for Eternity)

But as I prayed to see myself through spiritually renewed eyes, Father has taught me that I am beautiful when the Spirit is with me. I am beautiful because the Savior makes me beautiful. When He is with me, I radiate, I beam. I am most beautiful when I think of others and not myself, when I think and act as Christ does. It is through His name, the great I Am, that I Am beautiful. Through Him, I am beautiful.

Furthermore, it is not our looks that make us beautiful, but who we are. If we are becoming Christlike, we shine. If we are choosing to let His grace attend us and transform us in all that we do, we ARE beautiful. Despite what the world says, beauty runs far deeper than looks. It is who we are. I am beautiful by and through the great Jehovah, the great I Am.

I dressed myself in the temple garment and went to the chapel to wait for the next endowment session. By divine design, a beautiful woman and mother, with the most loving smile watched me as I walked past. After her friends arrived, they went to the row behind me to sit. As she passed me, she held my hand and said, "YOU are the most beautiful girl!" 

I felt Jesus encircle me about. I knew that it was He who had inspired her to not only notice me, but to approach me with those very words. It wasn't a compliment of my looks, but of me, of who I am through the name and grace of our Savior. I wept in gratitude and love for my Heavenly Father and Lord.

"Inasmuch as you strip yourselves from jealousies and fears, and humble yourselves before me, for ye are not sufficiently humble, the veil shall be rent and you shall see me and know that I am--not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual." (D&C 67:10)

Oh how perfectly do these words chasten my soul! I thank Heavenly Father for sending me to this verse and for sending that sweet sister to be an answer to my unuttered prayer.

Satan seeks to cloud our vision with jealousies and fears. But through the atoning grace of our beloved Savior, we can strip ourselves from these lies and be filled with gratitude & love. Humbly, we can recognize our own nothingness and our full dependence on Him. He made our bodies and He makes me beautiful. As we do so, the veil will be rent and we will see ourselves for who we truly are, children of the Most High God.